


The Funtom Company

by PandoraButler



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Biker Gang AU, Ciel's twin, F/M, M/M, crack ships, the funtom company
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-16 20:17:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13061403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandoraButler/pseuds/PandoraButler
Summary: Ciel Phantomhive recently graduated from Black Hearts Academy and is now attempting to find part-time work. However, his brother is much better with this stuff than he is, so, he has no choice but to help his dad run The Funtom Company, (aka one of the most well-known biker gangs in the whole city).





	1. The |Funtom| Company

"You little shit," the male said. The light shone on his face in a very, well,  _menacing_  way to say the least. He placed a cigarette in his mouth and frowned. This wasn't going to be pretty. Hell, this wasn't even going to be  _decent_. Everyone knows you don't mess with The Funtom Company. That's rule #1 when entering this city. Shit. Even the  _children_  know, and yet, this guy, right here, tied up, on the floor, didn't seem to have a care in the world. The male smoking understood this. The male smoking had been angered by him for days now. 

"I thought I told you to get off my turf," he sneered, kicking the body. The individual, currently tied up, laughed. Laughing? Really? What sort of psycho are you? Do you have a death wish? Well, in a way, he kind of did. The man had been a certain sort of crazy for a long time now...

"My, my, I don't think your boss is going to take to kindly to you treating people with such little respect," the body stated. Who did he think he was? Why was he talking like he had the situation under control? You little shit. You're going to pay for this. Even if Mr. Lung-Cancer has to send you to hell himself. 

"What the hell do you know about my boss? I haven't seen him for months! He don't know shit. He don't _do_ shit! Ya here me? So, what the fuck do you know? And why the hell are you here? Trying to steal from me again? Motherfucker."

The body continued to laugh. The smoker growled and threw his cigarette on the floor. This guy must be a masochist to keep coming back. The body smiled, radiantly, and looked up at the male, "I can't believe you only know such indecent words. Tell me, how did you even  _join_  such a gang as The Funtom Company?"

"I don't have to tell you squat," the man kicked the body once more. 

"Humor me," the body was still smiling, "I  _am_  about to die after all. What do you have to lose? Hm?"

"Fine, I'll tell ya," the man shivered when he heard something flying around in the warehouse. What was that? A bat? A bird? Who the hell? Or, rather,  _what_  the hell? Something wasn't right about this place, and, he very desperately wanted to get out of here. A few seconds ago it was fine. But this freak on the floor kept smiling so strangely. Subtle changes in his expression were taking place and the longer they talked the more his face seemed to distort. It was freaky. He wanted out. "A few weeks ago some kid walked up to me asking me if I wanted to join. He set me up with the app and called it quits. Haven't seen him since and now I'm here."

"Well, that's good."

"What's good?" the man asked, thoroughly confused. One minute the guy was beaten up lying on the floor, the next, he was holding a blade to his throat and whispering into his ear like a demon, "you are still only in phase one of initiation" 

The blade cut into the man's skin a bit. He started sweating. He knew he was going to die. "That's good. Really good. It means killing you will be a lot easier. Next time, try reading the fine print before accepting the gang's membership. I don't have underlings that don't cooperate. If I do, they die. I hope you have a pleasant time in the afterlife, insolent fool." What did he mean  _he_  didn't have underlings that didn't cooperate? Could it be?  _This_  was Vincent Phantomhive?! How could the boss of The Funtom Company be  _this_  man?! He didn't look like he could hurt a fly! Well, let me tell you, looks can be deceiving. 

"W-wait! Please don't kill me! I'll never go near the gang again! Please..."

"This is why I hate people like you," the male clicked his tongue in disgust. "You get into trouble and beg for your life at the last minute. I'm not as kind as I look."

Silence filled the warehouse as the smoker's pulse quickened. He didn't know if his plea would work. He had a sneaking suspicion it wouldn't. The Funtom Company doesn't give second chances. He knew that much. If this guy was who he thought he was...the conclusion to this tale was looking ever so bleak...

The man was struck in the back of the head. The other individual let the body fall to the cold ground as he walked out of the warehouse. The male held out his hand to once again ask for help; he could feel his consciousness leaving him. The blue hair glistened in the moonlight. He was  _smiling_  as he looked back on the body. The back of his vest was visible. The human skull with two rainbow bony hands holding it and a black cat's eyes staring out of the sockets. The Funtom Company's mark. How could he tell it was the leader? The pinstripe vest gave it away. No one else in the gang wore such a vest. No one else was allowed to wear a vest at all. 

Vincent Phantomhive stared at the ground. He had been careful not to step on the gasoline left by his son. Pulling out a matchbox, he gestured for the boy to come out of hiding. "Next time, try not to make so much noise. You were lucky he thought you were a bird fluttering about." The father ruffled his son's hair and placed the box in his hands. "You do the honors. I'll meet you back at the bike."

The boy looked at his father's matchbox in his hands. He had been waiting for this moment all of his life. For once, he was glad to be a good-for-nothing worthless brat. His older twin brother would never be allowed this position in The Funtom Company. Grinning, the boy took a few steps back and lit a match. He threw it on the ground and ran, ran towards his father's bike. The Funtom Company's signature funeral. Flaming buildings. Because, every betrayer must stare into the fiery pits of Hell upon death. If this man had been an  _official_  member, if he had passed initiation, and had  _still_  betrayed the gang, things would be much worse for him then a simple death by flame.

Hopping into the sidecar attached to the motorbike, the boy grinned as he put his helmet on. The engine revved. The two rode away in the wee hours of the morning, waiting, for the sirens to go off and the police to come. It would show up on the news like every other death. This was normal for this city. No one even bothered to try and stop it anymore. Besides, it wasn't like the people being killed were  _worth_  anything. No. They were all shitty bastards. The Funtom Company was doing everyone a favor. Why bother ruining a good thing?


	2. The |Manor| Company

"Hello, welcome to The Manor. If you need anything feel free to ask," Ciel spoke. It was tiring saying the same thing every time a guest walked in but he had no other job so, what else could he do?

"I wonder if you will be able to help me," the individual walked over to Ciel's table. The smol bean was currently trying to sleep so he wasn't paying attention to the store or any of its customers. "You see, what I want, is  _you!~_ " 

Ciel jumped up out of his chair, (and over the table) to hug the (not so strange) stranger. "Me?~  I thought you'd never ask!~~" The collision caused the two brothers to crash into the floor. Apparently it hadn't hurt them since they both became a giggling mess afterwards. Vincent didn't bother to check to see if anything was broken. He was far too used to these idiots fooling around and hurting themselves to care anymore. The twins should know by now where the first aid kit is. 

"It's been so long since we have last seen each other! I had to sneak out of that wretched woman's house just to visit!" Leic, the older twin brother of Ciel, shed a single tear as he said these words. He held Ciel close and held back the (imaginary) sobs. Yes, Leic had a love for being overly dramatic. 

"Leic, we saw each other yesterday..."

"But that was  _yesterday!_ Don't you know that twins need to be by each other's side at all hours of the day?! I thought you cared for me as much as I do you! My darling brother," Leic paused for dramatic effect and gasped, "are you breaking up with me?!"

"He cannot break up with someone he was never in a relationship with, dear boy," the voice of the father could be heard as he walked into the room. He leaned over the two boys and grinned. 

Leic gasped again, "you mean you've been playing me this whole time?! I thought we had something!" Leic pushed Ciel off of him and scooted a few feet away. "After all this time, you've betrayed my trust! Oh! The agony of a one-sided love! My heart, it aches, dear brother correct this wrong! Us? Never in a relationship? Oh, the pain!" Leic clutched his shirt where his heart would be and cast his gaze away from Ciel.  

"That's right," Vincent sat on the floor and hugged Ciel from behind, (forcing him into his lap), "the truth is, we're lovers!" Poor Ciel, surrounded by family members cut from the same cloth. He blushed as his father so proudly proclaimed such nonsense. Why did these two idiots always have to make him blush?! More importantly, why did Leic have to be so much like Vincent?!

"Oh, what a nightmare!" Leic hid his face in his hands and pretended to sob. "Ah! I've got it!" he quickly lifted his head, eyes glimmering mischievously, you could almost  _see_  the light bulb go off as he said, "We'll just have a threesome!~" he giggled. K.O. The innocent smol bean, Ciel, passed out from imagining something he shouldn't. Vincent and Leic hi-fived in satisfaction.

"Dear me, look at the time," Vincent looked at his watch, "places everyone," he clapped, "Mr. Sexy is on his way!~" Vincent and Leic ran into an aisle of snack food and peeked out from behind the wall of delicious junk food. This was their perfect spot to witness Ciel's embarrassment take place. Exactly at this time, every single day, for the past week or so 'Mr. Sexy' walked in this very convenience store and bought something. Without fail. From the moment he started till now. Leic, (who had heard about this from his sources) came to visit to see his brother's blushing first hand. He wanted to make sure Ciel had a good love interest. Otherwise, there would be hell to pay.~

The door opened and the little bell rang. Ciel, eyes still rolling around in the back of his head, still lying on the floor, didn't pay attention. Mr. Sexy walked over and knelt down to look at him, "Are you perfectly alright?" he asked. His voice, smooth as the heavens. His face, fine as hell. His body, well, let's not describe that for Ciel's sake. We can't have him get  _too_  excited.

Ciel, finally coming back to planet Earth, almost died again at the sight before him. Mr. Sexy strikes again. Ciel, in his half-dreaming state, reached out his hand to pet Mr. Sexy's face, "Wow. My dreams are getting more realistic by the day. You're almost exactly like Mr. Sexy." Vincent and Leic filmed the scene on their phones and tried to contain their laughter from the shadows. 

"'Mr. Sexy'? I have a name you know..." the glorious face smiled down on the unworthy Ciel.

"Yes, you do, but I have never been given the honor of hearing it!" Ciel sniffled. Oh no, he caught the drama bug.

"Really? Have I never introduced myself?" Mr. Sexy tilted his head to the side in confusion. Ciel jumped up from his position on the floor, put a hand to his heart, and gazed up at the ceiling longingly.

"If I had been smiled upon by the heavens with the honor of knowing your name," he paused, "I'm sure, I would've remembered such a thing," he finished. Mr. Sexy, not sure what to do at this point, but not wanting to embarrass Ciel, decided to play along. 

"Unfortunately," Mr. Sexy stood up and let out a long sigh, "it is no wonder that you don't know my name. I do not come from the heavens, but, instead, from the earth. I am a demon sent to collect your soul! Such a tragedy that I have grown so fond of you!" 

Ciel gasped and grabbed Mr. Sexy's hands, "It's too good to be true! I have always longed to be swept away by a demon such as yourself! Please, give me your name!"

"Sebastian Michaelis, at your service," Mr. Sexy stated. 

It was at that moment, Ciel knew, he fucked up. His face slowly changed into the deepest shade of red. He knew his mind wasn't capable of creating such a name as that, so, this must be reality. He had just acted like a royal idiot. Congratulations, Ciel Phantomhive, you're a  _winner_. 

"Annnnnnnd scene!" Leic came out from behind the holy mountain of junk food, with his phone, and ended the video. Twin brother to the rescue. He patted Mr. Sexy on the back and smiled. "Thank you for participating in my school project. It was beautiful. I'm sure I'll win the contest," the lies that escaped Leic's mouth were smooth and realistic. Sebastian had no reason to find fault in them.

"Thank you for helping," Vincent smiled, "pick whatever you want, it's on the house."

"Well, don't mind if I do," Sebastian grinned, picking up Ciel and walking out of The Manor. 

"Do you think he'll be okay? This is his first date and it's not starting out good," Vincent questioned.

"Nope, I'm sure he'll fuck it up somehow," Leic answered.

"Time to follow them and make sure it'll be fine," Vincent and Leic both said at the same time while exiting The Manor. Vincent placed a 'temporarily closed' sign on the door as they left. He, as a father, knew he should be scolding Leic for running away from his mom, but, that could come later. Right now they had better things to attend to...


	3. The |Bassy| Company

"Excuse me, kind sir, but can you put me down now? People are starting to look at me strangely. I do find your butt quite attractive from this angle but my chest is starting to hurt. You have a  _very_  bony shoulder," Ciel complained. Sebastian, as he so likes to call himself, acted too quickly for Ciel to dispute. Now that he was here, he might as well just go along with this stupid scenario cast upon him by his father. Seriously, why did Vincent have to say that? Why did Sebastian have to go along with it? These are the real life questions here... 

"If I put you down, do you promise not to runaway?" Sebastian asked. Drat. He had seen through Ciel's master plan! Shit. Now what was he supposed to do? Guess he really  _did_  have to go along with this.

"I promise. I swear on my mother's soon-to-be grave," Ciel announced. Sebastian complied. However, he was still a bit suspicious so he grabbed Ciel's hand. The two walked down the streets of the city like this. Everyone stared. Some people glared. Others whispered. Sebastian didn't care and Ciel was used to being scorned. 

"Is your mother sick or something?" Sebastian asked.

"No, but I'm sure Leic is going to murder her in her sleep one day. She is a terrible individual for divorcing my father and separating us twins," Ciel sighed. It was a sad story. He pushed back the memory of the situation and continued walking hand in hand with Sebastian. 

"Sounds tough," Sebastian noted. This was the first decent conversation the two had experienced since they'd met. You know, besides 'that'll be $5.50.'

"It's not that bad. I got over it a while ago. At least, that's what I tell myself. Truth is whenever I'm in the same room as my mother I want to slit her throat. I can't imagine what my father saw in her when they got married. Maybe he was blackmailed. Maybe he was tortured. I've thought of countless scenarios but none of them seem accurate."

"People change," Sebastian sighed. He knew better than anyone how true that was. His own two fathers were proof enough of that fact. Not everything is as it seems and certainly not everyone is as they pretend to be. A person's essence doesn't remain the same from day to day. It changes like the waves of the sea. You will never see the same wave twice no matter how hard you try to recreate it in your mind or how many times you visit that same beach. 

"What about you? Do you have any mysterious backstories I should know about? Hm?" Ciel asked. He was finding it very difficult to forget about the events that had taken place in The Manor, but, now that his father and Leic weren't around he was finding it easier to breathe, (lol you wish Ciel. Actually they are hiding behind trees/signs as you walk and are snapping photos/videos).

"Not really. My life is pretty normal compared to yours."

"Liar," Ciel huffed. He could tell when people were lying. And, Mr. Sexy over here was certainly  _lying_. No one with  _that_  good of a face could even think to have a 'normal' life. Spit out the details dude because we all have the popcorn ready.

"I'm not lying. It is. Not everyone's father is the leader of a biker gang," Sebastian chuckled when Ciel flinched. How did he know? No one knew that! What sorcery was this?!

"How the fuck?!"

"It isn't like the leader of The Funtom Company keeps his identity a secret. Everyone knows that it's Vincent Phantomhive. He wears a special vest for Pete's sake! Has no one around you figured it out yet? Humans are so dumb."

"When you put it like that you have a valid point. Most people just think he has the same name or that he is lying about his identity. I guess my father doesn't look like a killer," Ciel replied. He couldn't decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Did he want a father that looked like a murderer? Well, the real question is: who doesn't? Because, the fact that he  _is_  a murderer but doesn't  _look_  like one is much more terrifying. 

"You should see mine. He is a world renowned information broker in control of Srallod but when you meet him in person," Sebastian paused, "he just twirls around in a spinning chair eating junk food all day."

"I thought you said your father wasn't the leader of a gang."

"I said no such thing," Sebastian grinned while he stared down at Ciel, "I said he wasn't the leader of a  _biker_ gang. And, technically, what I said had no ties to  _me_  in particular. I said, 'not everyone's father is the leader of a biker gang' and you assumed I meant  _my_  father."

"Shit, you're right."

"You're never going to survive in the world if you don't pay more attention to the things around you," Sebastian warned. Ciel nodded. This guy, who he barely knew, had a lot of wise knowledge. He could be dangerous. For some reason, Ciel didn't find him very threatening though. Maybe that was part of the scam. He should be more careful around strangers who pick people up in convenience stores (quite literally) and force them to go on dates. 

"Would you like some ice cream?" Sebastian asked after he stopped walking. There was a stand right in front of them. Ciel's sweet senses started tingling. This place had some good shit. Mmm. Yisss. Feed him that sugary goodness. A+ first date bribery. Could you even call this a first date though? Hm, might as well. The ice cream is worthy of the first date title. 

Ciel didn't have to answer for Sebastian to observe that he wanted some. The guy didn't know what Ciel liked, so, he just ordered something random and hoped for the best. Ciel, who was too caught up in the fact he would get a delicious treat, didn't even care what flavor it was. So, it all worked out in the end. 

The two sat hand in hand on some random park bench. This bench was placed in such a fashion that they had to stare at a giant sculpture. It was made of some sort of metal and was supposed to be two cats. However, it looked more like two giant kidney beans. Sebastian and Ciel argued over what the sculpture was supposed to be for quite some time before Sebastian walked Ciel back to The Manor. It was only  _after_  Ciel had walked through the convenience store's door and up the stairs to his room that he realized he hadn't asked for Sebastian's number...

Well, no matter, the guy always bought something from The Manor every day at the exact same time. He could ask for it tomorrow. Right? What's the worst that could happen?


	4. The |Mother| Company

"Where the  _hell_  have you been?!" Rachel Dalles walked over to her son, well,  _one_  of her sons. She was angry. That much was plain to see. Leic avoided her gaze and stared at a wall. He knew she didn't care about  _him_  so much as she cared about  _profit_. When she found out that The Funtom Company was a gang that wasn't very focused on  _individual_  gain, she divorced Vincent immediately. That damn gold digger. Leic sighed. He wished that Aunt Angelina was here instead of  _this_  woman. Unfortunately, she was too busy running a school to visit.

"Where I have been is no concern of yours," Leic replied. This response earned him a slap to the face and a burning cheek. 

"Do you have any idea how worried I've been trying to get in touch with you?!" Rachel tapped her foot as she scolded her son, "I've tried calling, texting, and practically everything else under the sun! Don't tell me you've been spending time with that buffoon of a father and your idiot brother again! I told you countless times to forget about them! They will become a bad influence on you, and then how will you become a doctor?!" 

Leic glared at his mother, "Don't you  _dare_  insult my family like that!" he yelled. Rachel, quite used to this behavior, slapped him again.

" _I'm_  your family now! How many times to I have to remind you of that fact?!" 

"You are not, and never will be, my family," the look he gave her sent chills down her spine. This was just what she was afraid of. Leic was becoming more and more like his father every day. He was practically a miniature version of him! In no time at all he would runaway to that gang. Tch. She should just turn those two (Vincent and Ciel) in to the police.  _That_ might convince Leic to forget them. Or, it could do something counter-productive and convince him to hate her even more (which was far more likely). 

"Get dressed," she snapped.

"What for?"

"I'm taking you to a dinner to meet your fiance," she answered, pointing to the stairs. He reluctantly left to get changed. Drat! Why didn't he notice sooner?! She was dressed extra gold digger today! Shit. Now what was he supposed to do? He was  _not_  going to marry whomever she chose! He wanted to marry for love! And, well, she wouldn't ever chose a  _male_  fiance for him, so, he would likely never be happy in a marriage. 

Conclusion: fuck it up.

Leic spent the entire car ride thinking of ways he could make himself  _less_  appealing. Well, people always told him they preferred  _him_  over Ciel, (something he could never quite understand) so, should he just act like his younger twin? No. He should just be himself. No one would marry a person like him anyway. Besides, this was  _arranged,_  the parents didn't care as long as 'money' was involved. Chances are the other party wasn't too thrilled either. 

The two arrived at a fancy hotel. A familiar face exited the building to greet them. Elizabeth Midford. Someone please tell Leic that this  _is not_ the individual he is supposed to marry. Sure, they might be childhood friends, but this was  _not_  happening. No way in hell. 

"Leic! So good to see you!" Elizabeth smiled, hugging the poor boy. 

"Likewise," Leic responded, grabbing Elizabeth's hand to kiss. He was putting on his best behavior since doing otherwise would mean more violence from his mother. He wished he could just leave this miserable life, but, sadly, he could not. 

"Always the gentleman! Please, let me show you to the banquet hall. My father has prepared quite the meal for this union!" Leic sighed. Does that mean-? He really hoped not. "Dear me, don't look so concerned! I've known for quite some time that you wouldn't marry me if your life depended on it!" Elizabeth leaned in close to Leic's ear and whispered, "and, quite honestly, I feel the same. I have someone in my life already, you know?"

Leic gasped, "You mean?!" Elizabeth giggled and nodded. Leic always had a sneaking suspicion she was crushing on her maid. Now he knew he was right! Ha! They'd have a thousand cute animal babies together. He could see it now...

The two walked arm-in-arm to the banquet hall. Inside it was one of those giant tables filled with food. Leic had to control himself from violating the sweets. He, like his brother, had an absolute  _obsession_  with sugary foods. 

"You might want to ask them on a date first before you start mentally stripping them," a girl walked over to Elizabeth and Leic. She was blonde and dressed somewhat like a maid. Interesting. Leic smiled, halfheartedly, and nodded in agreement.

"Unfortunately, I can't help but admire true beauty," Leic admitted. And, yes, this small corner of sweets was  _true_  beauty. Absolutely breathtaking. The stranger's light blue eyes sparkled at the comment. Could this be fate? Did they both enjoy sweets? Perhaps, this was the so-called fiancee?! Maybe he should introduce himself then, "Pleasure to make your acquaintance, I am Leic Phantomhive," he said with a bow. 

"Ah, just as I thought, you are the person I'm supposed to wed. Such a shame," the girl frowned, "I thought you'd be taller. I specifically told my father I wanted someone extremely handsome! Tch. That's what you get for having the parents arrange a marriage. Silly me."

"I can assure you I'm not pleased with this turn of events either. Although, I do admit you're quite attractive, but you simply aren't my type."

"Oh? And might I ask what  _is_  your type?"

"Individuals lacking a vagina," Leic replied. Elizabeth almost choked on air as he said it. She tried very hard to hold back her laughter. Leave it to Leic to put something so bluntly!

Smiling the girl grabbed her head and tore off her hair! A wig?! Why was Leic not surprised? He knew she seemed a bit weird for a lady. The stranger then wrapped his arms around Leic to pull him closer. He brought their faces within millimeters of each other and spoke, "Lucky for you I'm not a girl!~ The name's Alois Trancy. Please try to remember it. I do hope I've left a good impression on my future husband."

"You have a talent," Leic blushed lightly.

"And what talent is that?"

"A talent for seducing people in public while dressed as a maid."

"I take it you're more interested in me now?" Alois snickered.

" _Quite_  interested, I admit," Leic's phone started vibrating in his pocket. He was tempted to answer it but he couldn't. It was taking all of his willpower to keep from being turned on at the moment. He must've gotten his strange fetishes from his father. Crossdressing? Really Leic?

"Are you going to get that?" Alois smirked. 

"It's in my right butt pocket. Could you please get it for me?" Leic's eyes glimmered. He didn't have to tell Alois twice. The blonde slowly moved his hand down Leic's back and slid it into his pocket. He then pressed the 'accept call' and held the phone by Leic's ear.

"Hello?" Leic quizzically stated.

"Leic! Where are you?! Something terrible has happened!"

"Ciel? You rarely call me. What has happened? Is father okay?" 

"No! He's been adultnapped!" Ciel answered. This hasn't happened before without Vincent planning it. Ciel always knew about his father's plans in case something went wrong, so, who was behind this? And what did they want with Vincent Phantomhive?!


	5. The |Reaper| Company

Vincent Phantomhive sat tied to a chair in a room he didn't recognize. Well, this was new, no one had ever tried  _kidnapping_  him before. This should be fun, no? His eyes slowly adjusted to the dim lighting and he looked around. Still dark. Still dreary. Where is this place anyway? The scent of the room told him that he was beside the bay. This didn't have anything to do with the pirates, did it? Vincent specifically told them multiple times that the  _city_  was  _his_  territory and the  _bay_  was  _their_  territory. So, why were they trying to kidnap him? Vincent sighed. People never learn, do they?

"You're awake? How nice," a voice said in the shadows. As soon as it spoke lights turned on and Vincent was blinded. What a wonderful way to wake up. If only his hands weren't tied behind his back, then this encounter might be even  _more_  fun. They tied his feet to the chair too! So careful! There was only one group of individuals that was quite so thoughtful: Reaper's Dispatch Society.

"Don't you think this is a bit unfair? I'm sitting here partially unclothed while you lot are staring at me! I'll blush," Vincent smiled. His clothing was a bit worn due to his recent treatment. He was no longer wearing a vest and his button up shirt was thoroughly unbuttoned (since the buttons had fallen off), leaving his well-toned body visible. He doubted that anyone else cared about his exposed skin, but it couldn't hurt to try and gain sympathy. Vincent preferred wearing  _layers_  of clothing, and, at the moment, he wasn't even properly wearing a  _shirt_. This was torture, in the cruelest sense of the word.

"It's just a formality," the voice said. Vincent's eyes adjusted to the light and he saw two males standing on both sides of a male sitting in a lounge chair. "It's nothing personal, I assure you, but it's also  _completely_  personal," the male said as he obviously eyed Vincent up and down. He had long silver hair with fringe covering one of his eyes. Half of his fringe was pulled back into a ponytail so that the other eye was visible. 

"Are you going to tell me why I'm here? Or should I be left guessing?" Vincent asked.

"I think it would be more fun if you guessed. I'll give you a prize if you guess correctly," the male said, "and that prize is your life."

"I think I'll keep quiet for now."

"Wise decision. I assume you won't be giving me any trouble, right?" the stranger's eye glimmered with amusement. The two guards were confused at this interaction. They felt as if they were missing the punchline to an inside joke. 

"Me? Give  _you_  trouble? While tied to a chair? Dear me, what kind of person do you think I am? I'm a civilized gangster, be real here, obviously I know where I stand," Vincent laughed. "I'm outnumbered and have handicaps too. What do you take me for?"

"Good, glad to know we're on the same page," the male snapped his fingers and the two gentlemen left the room. An awkward moment of silence passed before either of the two remaining males spoke.

"Do you think they're far enough away by now? Can you please untie me? This is a very awkward situation to be in. I know you have to keep up appearances and everything, but honestly, Uny, this hurts," Vincent requested.

"Nope, you're going to have to stay like that for a while longer. I told you not to kill that guy, but right after I told you, you go and burn him  _and_  that warehouse! Were you even listening to me that day?  _I_ am The Undertaker, not you, thank you very much.  _I_ decide who dies and who doesn't. We went over this countless times. Are your gang members called 'reapers'? I think not. So, why do you keep killing people?"

"I know, I know, but he was a pain in the butt! I couldn't just let him live! He was annoying," Vincent whined, "I'm sorry, I promise I won't do it again. But I have my own gang to lead, you know? You can't expect me not to take care of the trash! That's how rebellions start!"

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Vincent," The Undertaker frowned. "You and I both know you're going to kill some more people. That's why you're in this mess," he gestured to Vincent's current position, "because you can't keep your promises. One of these days you're going to break a really important promise with some other gang and then you won't be alive anymore. Do you want to die? Is that it? You're lucky we're such great friends. I could've done a lot worse to you."

"I won't die, I have a reaper on my side," Vincent winked and then gasped when he realized- "We're friends now? Did you just friendzone me? I thought we had a connection! Uny! That isn't fair!"

The Undertaker snickered, "You're living in a dreamworld if you thought we had some sort of relationship."

"You're living in a dreamworld if you think we don't."

"Vincent, you know as well as I do that a relationship between us is impossible."

"Says who? We'll just make it possible," Vincent smiled. The Undertaker frowned. Vincent knew it was impossible, so why was he being so difficult? Two gangs on opposite sides of the spectrum cannot merge and form one gang. That would lead to too much conflict between the already existing members. Reaper's Dispatch Society would treat The Funtom Company as outcasts and vice versa. A fusion is impossible.

"Vincent, there is a war brewing," The Undertaker warned. "Something big is going to happen and it is going to happen soon. We can't let ourselves be distracted. You have to prepare yourself for the worst."

"That means we have to work together now more than ever!" Vincent attempted to persuade him, but it would be futile, The Undertaker had already made his decision.

The Undertaker snapped his fingers and the door opened to reveal a male dressed like a nutcracker, except his outfit was blue and he wore a top hat, very stylish, if I do say so myself. "My son will lead you out," The Undertaker spoke, "don't you dare do anything foolish. I might have to kill you the next time we meet."

The male walked over to Vincent to untie him; however, Vincent was already untied. The Undertaker sighed. If he'd already untied himself, why was he complaining so much? Vincent stood up and followed The Undertaker's son out. He started thinking about what he would tell his own sons when he returned. He certainly needed to think of a good reason why he hadn't contacted them in so long. What was he supposed to say? They'd be angry if he lied and even more angry if he told the truth. First things first: he needs to find a proper shirt.

As if reading his mind, The Undertaker's son handed him a neatly folded pile of clothing. His vest was right on top. Vincent smiled, "Thank you very much! I don't think we've ever met face to face before. What is your name? I think it started with a D but I can't remember. Uny doesn't tell me a whole lot."

"Drocell Keinz," he replied.

"Keinz? Isn't that a ketchup brand?"

"That's Heinz."

"Oh! You're right!"


	6. The |Twin| Company

Drocell escorted Vincent every step of the way to ensure that he didn't get caught leaving Reaper's Dispatch Society. If anyone saw him, that would lead to terrible inquiries. Both of these gangs didn't need more headlines in the newspapers. It was bad enough as it was. If word got out that they might be associated with one another, Trader's Enterprise would attack. That gang simply loved to meddle in the dealings of others. And, let's not forget about Srallod.

"Thank you for your help, Drocell," Vincent smiled and waved as he began traveling back to The Manor. It didn't take long for Vincent to find his way. He didn't have a  _terrible_  sense of direction, but, it certainly wasn't a  _good_  one. His two sons, a blonde boy, and his ex-wife Rachel Dalles were all waiting for him outside. Ciel and Leic noticed him first and ran towards him. Ciel was crying while Leic was furious. Vincent expected to get slapped in the face  _and_  hugged at the same time! Imagine that!

"I was so worried!" Ciel cried into his father's chest.

"What happened?" Leic asked. He tapped his foot on the sidewalk while his arms were crossed. Vincent better give a good excuse for this one, or he really  _would_  get slapped in the face. This child was becoming more and more like his mother, (even if he would rather not be like her at all). Funny enough, Rachel thinks he is becoming more and more like his father. Which is the reality here? And which is the fiction?

"I got dumped," Vincent sobbed and fell to his knees. "My one true love just dumped me! I was too crestfallen to remember to text Ciel where I was. I'm sorry," Vincent cried. Ciel continued to hug him while Leic patted his head awkwardly. The two brothers understood what he meant. They'd gotten used to his weird coded language a long time ago. By 'one true love' and 'dumped' he was referring to the fact that Reaper's Dispatch Society had kidnapped him to tell him news. Each time they did this he would return sad, because each time The Undertaker would tell him to stop trying to get in touch. This continued style of verbal reprimand obviously never worked since Vincent kept doing things to get himself kidnapped by them. Meanwhile, Alois and Rachel had no idea what he was talking about and assumed he was just reacting poorly to a breakup. How wrong they were...

"I can't believe you dragged us all the way out here just to have him complain like a child! And about a stupid romance issue too!" Rachel complained. What did Vincent see in her? The twins never understood how their parents were able to get married. The two of them weren't right for each other. Rachel must have put on a good act during the dating stage. Or, perhaps Vincent just married her to get something from her, (who knows what that something was).

Leic glared, "Firstly,  _you_  dragged yourself along.  _I_  had nothing to do with it. Secondly, stop feeling butthurt about the fact that he doesn't give two shits about you anymore!  _You_  divorced  _him_ , remember?"

"Oh, feisty, I'm really starting to like my new fiance," Alois chimed in.

"Leic, get in the car right now. We're leaving," Rachel pointed to the car. Leic knew that he couldn't fight back any longer or Vincent would likely do something he regretted in order to defend him. Grumbling, Leic stepped into the car and sat next to Alois. The three of them drove off, leaving Ciel and Vincent hugging on the ground both sobbing. 

"I'm sorry it didn't work out between you and him!" Ciel cried. These words roughly translate to: 'I'm sorry The Undertaker still doesn't realize you think he is hot!'

"It was supposed to be true love! I want a refund!" Vincent sobbed. These words roughly translate to: 'I tried so hard too! If you and Sebastian don't get married I might actually crawl in a hole and die! Fufill my dying wish! I need a ship to be canon since my own love life is failing me!'

"It's okay! There are plenty of fish in the sea!" Ciel stood up and offered a hand to his father. Vincent accepted it and they both walked into The Manor together. To anyone that was watching, they'd probably assume these two were some idiots acting out a play. Well, they weren't wrong, the play was just in their minds. Btw, Ciel's words roughly translate to: 'Fuck off, Father. I'm not getting married to console your failure to seduce a rival gang's leader.'

Vincent and Ciel sat down next to each other behind the register. The Manor was now open for business. Everything would return to normal. Ciel was just overreacting before. That overreaction worried Vincent, (he could tell Ciel had freaked out since Rachel had been waiting for him too). Because, if Ciel was starting to notice something was off about this city, that meant something really was _off_  about this city. The Undertaker meant what he said, (which he usually does, but Vincent never takes his warnings to heart half the time). 

"What did he tell you?" Ciel asked.

"He told me what he always tells me: 'Fuck off and leave my gang's business to my gang.'" Vincent replied.

"But, what did he tell you this time? You wouldn't forget to notify me of an adultnapping. You usually  _always_  know when he is going to do it. What made this different from all the other times?"

Vincent sighed. Ciel was too perceptive. How did he get a son that was so good at not trusting others? And noticing the fine details? He should be living a carefree life; not thinking to look over his shoulder everywhere he walks. "He said there is a war brewing. A lot of chaos is going to begin, Ciel. Are you sue you don't want to live with Rachel? That would be a lot safer than here."

"If there is a war, I'd rather die in it than live with that  _demon_ ," Ciel took his father's hand and smiled, "because no one deserves to fight a war alone, even if they are a gang's boss."

"I love you, Ciel." Vincent rested his head on top of Ciel's.

"I love you too." Ciel snuggled up to his father's chest. They'd get through this. They always got through things like this. They just had to do it together, always  _together_.


	7. The |Orphanage| Company

"Wha'?" Joker stood at the door to the Noah's Ark orphanage with his mouth agape. Drocell was standing outside with his arms flailing every which direction because his mouth wouldn't work the way he wanted it too. Hopefully, Joker would be able to understand what he meant. These two had been friends for a long time and Joker was the only one who knew him the best. If Joker didn't understand, no one would.

"Yer tellin' me that ya met Vincent Phantomhive?! Get out! Ye can't be serious! Ya said he wasn't ever goin' to get close to ya since yer dad was a fancy boss or somethin' of that sort! Congrats!" Joker smiled. The children hovering by his feet looked from him to Drocell and back to him. How did he understand? Drocell still hadn't spoken!

When Joker burst out into laughter, the children ran away and back to their rooms. He must've finally lost his marbles! Or, maybe he gained the hidden ability to read minds. "I can't believe he thought ye were ketchup! It's too funny!"

The two continued on like this. Drocell would make some sort of hand motion or micro-expression and Joker would reply to him. Eventually, Drocell's shock over the fact he met  _Vincent Phantomhive_  diminished and he was able to speak again. Vincent was his idol. Drocell had an obsession with him for as long as he could remember. Everything about Vincent was fascinating to him. Drocell was a fanboy at heart and Joker understood that. It was no different from someone having a favorite actor or band. Okay, maybe it was a little different since Vincent wasn't either of those things...

"Well, since yer here, wanna have some hot cocoa?" Joker asked. Drocell nodded. The two of them went inside the building and into the kitchen. Drocell watched as Joker grabbed cups and boiled water. There wasn't anything fascinating about this simple sequence of events, but Drocell found himself getting lost while staring at him. This happened every now and then. Drocell thought that maybe he just needed more sleep and was zoning out. However, everyone at the orphanage told him otherwise. They all said he was head over heals for Joker. The only problem was: Joker was head over heals for Beast.

"Here ya go," Joker smiled and held out the cup. Drocell paused. He knew it was okay to take it, but he also didn't want to take it at the same time. Joker should be using the food and beverages on the children here, not him. Should he take it? Should he not take it? If he waited too much longer Joker might get upset with him.

Drocell reached out to grab it, after enduring a long mental debate, but just as his fingers brushed up against Joker's and he nearly grabbed the handle, Beast walked in and took it. She smiled and said, "You made hot chocolate for me? Thanks!" She then gave Joker a kiss on the cheek and walked out. Drocell's and Joker's hands were now just hovering in air touching each other. Neither of them moved. Neither of them said anything. They both just stared at each other dumbfounded. 

Startled, Joker grabbed his cup and quickly offered it to Drocell, "Ye can have mine if ya don't mind that I took a sip. Or I can jus' make ya another cup." If Drocell's face had the ability to show his emotions, he would surely be blushing. Joker was suggesting that he share an indirect kiss with him! Not only that, but they'd already touched hands! What was next? Would Drocell receive a kiss on the cheek too?

Joker had grabbed the cup with the wrong hand. Instead of using his left hand, he'd used his artificial right hand, which meant that his grip wasn't nearly as good. The cup slipped from his grasp and threatened to crash on the ground. Drocell moved at the speed of light. String ejected from underneath his shirt's sleeve and lassoed the cup a few inches before it collided with the floor. Joker stared in awe. Was Drocell Spider-Man?

"Ye never cease to amaze, do ya?" Joker grinned. Drocell picked up the cup, removed his string, and handed it back to Joker. He decided that saving the indirect kiss for another day would be best. Too much excitement had happened already.

"Are ya sure ya don't wan' any?" Joker asked. Drocell nodded. "At least have a sip. I did make it wit' ya in mind." Drocell was about to shake his head and refuse but the look on Joker's face forced his hand. He took the cup and took a sip, albeit small as could be. Once the hot liquid had entered his mouth, there was no going back. Drocell drank the rest in just a few swallows. He couldn't help himself. Joker was a master cocoa maker. 

When he'd realized the heinous crime he'd committed, Drocell opened his mouth to apologize, but Joker cut him off, "'tis fine." 

All of the sudden, the ground shook beneath their feet. The two of them collapsed into each other as the dishes, and the whole orphanage, shook. The building was falling to pieces. It was an old building, there wasn't much keeping it together in the first place. Drocell tried his best to swat falling debris away from Joker. It was nothing too serious, but he didn't know how much longer the orphanage would stay in one piece. 

"Everyone out!" Joker yelled. He ran out of the kitchen, Drocell following him every step of the way, and tried to get as many people out as he could. The children didn't need to be told twice. Each of them stood in the street, a safe distance from their home, as they watched it collapse. Drocell looked around to see what had caused this earthquake. A building a block or two away had been blown up. As the giant pieces collided with the ground, the earth shook. Who had caused this? Who would cause such mayhem? 

Sirens blared, people shouted, and everything was in chaos. There was only one group that enjoyed to cause so much destruction: Trader's Enterprise. The war had begun. There was nothing that could be done to stop it now. 

Drocell knelt down to the ground and hugged the children to keep them from being too terrified. He tried his best to provide comfort, but sometimes people just need to cry. The children held onto him tightly. They'd need a new place to stay for the night. But where?

"Dear me, that building wasn't very safe, was it?" a voice said. Drocell, and everyone else, turned to see where it had come from. Vincent Phantomhive stood smiling at them all as he waved to Drocell. "I guess you lot need a new place to stay for a while? You can sleep in the basement of The Manor until I get a few guys to repair that orphanage for you. Or would you rather stay somewhere else?"

"Ain't he Mr. Phantomhive?" Joker whispered to Drocell. "Then I guess it can't be a bad thing to say yes, right?" Joker smiled.

"He's a nice guy. So I thought to myself: 'It can't be a bad option.'" Drocell replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignore my terrible attempts at trying to get Joker's speech right. I've failed this city miserably (but will still continue to make him talk like that). Drocell and Joker are very difficult characters to use (and Snake) but I'm still going to use them :'D because I suck at iife and they don't get enough love.


End file.
